Tuesday, April 12, 2016

How to speak Canadian, eh?

So you're coming to Canada! Beauty! (Great!)
Here's a short primer on how to speak the most common form of the language. Like, this isn't West Coast surfer talk, dude. Nor is it East Coast rapid talk, b'ye. It's what you hear just about everywhere you go in between. It's Geezer Canadian!
So why are you coming? Fishing? Take off! (No way!)
First thing, stop at a Timmies (Tim Horton's coffee shop) where for just a couple of loonies (dollar coins) or maybe a toonie ($2 coin) you can get a double-double (coffee with two sugars, two milks) ask around and find out what the fish are biting on.
Then grab a Two-Four (a 24-pack of beer) or some pops (sodas) and head for the bush (the Boreal Forest).
But before you leave town and at every town you come to on the drive, make sure you use the washroom (restroom) because it's a lot of klicks (kilometers) to the next one! With that in mind you might want to stuff some serviettes (napkins) in your pockets in case you can't wait.
Got your tuque? (knitted cap or watch cap) Got your bug dope? (insect repellent) Got your Two-Four? Then you're packed!
No seriously, you better also stuff some butter tarts (a yummy dessert, like tiny pecan pies) or some Smarties (similar to M&Ms) or some ketchup chips (ketchup-flavoured potato chips) in your knapsack (backpack) to munch on too.
By the time it's supper (dinner) you'll probably be giv'n her (doing your best) on some lake pulling in pickerel (walleyes) or jacks (northern pike). Don't get in a kerfuffle (a fuss) if there's no hydro (electricity) because this is where the fish are! Just kick off your runners (athletic shoes) and settle down on the chesterfield (couch) and say, "I'm really in Canada, eh?"

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Joe Overman said...

They don't speak like that in Montreal EH!

Dan B. said...

No, for sure, eh? And whatever you do, don't wear your Maple Leafs tuque, eh? Switch to the Habs for sure. And if you've got a Canadiens jersey, bonus!

Anonymous said...

I just watch Strange Brew before I head up north.

Joe Overman said...

You Hoser eh!